Since I stopped taking my pills my period ache has gone back to what it used to be: absolutely unbearable. It started yesterday when I got the idea of amputating the middle part of my body because it hurt too bad. Fortunately, I did not have the tools. But it doesn't stop here.
Living in the US I expect everything to be super sized, which it is, except from one tiny exception: the tampon. A ”normal” size tampon here is the same as a ”mini” size in Europe. This raises an interesting question, do European women have bigger vaginas? Maybe. I don’t know, I haven’t had the opportunity to inspect an american woman’s private parts yet. Or is this just another thing to make you feel bad during period times? Either way I think it’s unfair. Not only do we have to deal with PMS, cramps and BLOOD coming out of our vagina, we now also have to be embarrassed when we ask for super sized tampons in the store. I know periods are the most natural thing in the world, but we’re not living in a ”natural” world anymore. We are taking pills with hormons that change our bodies and our moods, we use chemicals in our food, hair and bodies everyday and we are addicted to our little computer machines. It’s almost like evolution isn’t keeping up. Anyway, my point is that this shit fucking sucks. And this shit sucks for a week (sometimes even more) every single month. As I mentioned before, I just recently stopped eating birth control pills. I wanted to see if my body and mood changed and it sure did. I had totally forgot about this raging cramps and also, my boobs got a bit smaller … The first pills I tried four years ago made me crazy depressed, I cried every single day for three months until I eventually realized that I wasn’t the problem, it was my pills. I switched to another one and I got my period three times a month. I gave it one last try and finally I found pills that were ok. I got crazy PMS where I just cried the whole day through for the most ridiculous reasons but my cramps weren’t as bad and my blood flow wasn’t as extreme. Maybe there is a perfect pill for me, but I don't have time to find it. And I don’t want to put my body through that again. But it’s OK. I will survive. I will stop whining now. We all understand that having periods sucks the dick. But it’s life, and we’ll just have to deal with it. My problem is how inconvenient it is and how much easier it could be. I don’t have a solution to all period problems but I know what the first steps to a better period party could be.
1. First of all, we could destroy all Tampax tampons in the world. They are the worst thing I’ve ever had to put in my vagina (and considering I’ve slept with a danish guy I think that’s pretty bad). ”Oh, well why don’t you use a pad instead?” Because I don’t like having period blood dripping down my legs. As simple as that. Pads DON’T work. At least not if you have my blood flow. I love tampons, they’re awesome. I can’t feel them, I’m not supposed to feel them. And I never have, UNTIL Tampax. First of all, instead of just pushing the tampon up manually, it’s stuck in an applicator made of cardboard. The applicator is supposed to facilitate the process of getting the tampon in the vagina but instead complicates it times thousand and… it just does not end well. I don’t know, maybe there’s an art to it, but I didn’t grow up with it and I don’t feel like spending time on learning how to do it. Have you ever experienced that an object inside you is not sitting right? It is a very uncomfortable and frustrating feeling. That’s not the tampon feeling I’m used to. And nothing I’m planning on getting used to either. Also, Tampax tampons are really hard to hide because the packaging is so big and loud. Sometimes I don’t want everyone to know that it’s that time of the month. And sometimes I want to be able to fit necessary things, like tampons, in my purse. So why don’t I just avoid Tampax tampons you may ask. Well, I wish I could but it’s really not that easy. See, when you get your period, you gotta get some sanitary protection ASAP. There are not many stores that sell tampons where I live or where I work and if they do, the selection is limited. Also, they are ALWAYS (no pun intended) behind the counter. No matter how big the store is.
2. My second, and best idea, is vibrating tampons. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t they sitting quite close to the g-spot? I sure wouldn’t mind some comforting vibrations up in this bitch.
3. Good fucking drugs. I can’t live with this pain anymore.
4. Take a moment to read about the spiritual practice of menstruation. Our cycles are affected by the moon, before we had electricity we bled when the moon was dark and ovulated when the moon was full. How fucking cool is that? We can actually change our lives by paying attention to what our bodies are telling us and honoring the cycle. Every cycle is in four phases, week 1, when we bleed, is the ”Death Rebirth” phase. This is when we often feel like being alone in bed, munching on chocolate and not being disturbed by anyone. This is also a time where we should reflect and think about what behaviors, attitudes and ways we want to leave behind and what we want to keep. Week 2 is the ”High Energy Creative” phase were we go back into the world with high physical and creative energy. This is right before ovulation and when we feel like we can do anything. This is when the period-mooon-phase-cycle-experts tell us to dedicate our eggs to something we want to give creative energy to. Week 3 is the ”Coming Down and Harvest Phase”. This is when we feel either pride or failure about what we did with the creative energy from the week before. This phase is good for finishing projects rather than starting new ones. This is also when we start to notice things that aren’t working in our lives and get ready to let them go with our blood. Week 4, ”Distillation and Clarity Phase” – here we get inwardly focused again. This is the time to plan and get ready for our approaching period. We should slow down and start imagining what we want the next cycle to look like.
Please let me know if you have any suggestions or ideas of how to deal with these hard times and I will put it in my collection. I’m going to try to keep all the spiritual moon stuff in mind during this cycle that I just started. I’ll let you know what happens.