After quitting my job, breaking up with the love of my life and America kicking me to the curb, I somehow ended up in Mexico on a one way ticket crashing my BFF’s honeymoon. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a clamjammer - I'm independent and don't mind going solo. I actually even decided I don't want a serious relationship until I'm retired because my now still very young and underdeveloped brain literally cannot understand how they work. Besides not thinking about relationship issues, endlessly pissing out my ass and getting a solid bonnebränna (a Swedish word for the classic bikini tan in fifty shades of red), I've encountered endless American fuckbois in their fifties as well as sneaked in to the most exclusive party in all of the Yucatan peninsula. Wearing a dirty side boob dress and a fake pair of Birkenstocks (ya, I know, it doesn't get classier than this).
As much as I would enjoy to simply tell you about my experiences I'd like us to learn something today - as I posses this rare old soul full of wisdom. Don't ask me how, I woke up one morning feeling like an old lady had crawled into my body and everything was suddenly simple and beautiful yet slightly physically challenging. I know, you're jelly. I'm on a semi vacation, semi solo and semi working. I'm a semi-slash yuppie, career and life slut. I want to do it all, believe I can do it all and yet have no clue what the F to do with my life or where the F I'm going. If you're anything like me, or part of my generation, there's a big chance you feel as lost as I do. So here follows a few suggestions on how to get even more lost, to embrace the uncertainty and fly on the wings of our privileged and undefined feathers.
TRAVEL ON A ONE WAY TICKET
To not have plans as well as nothing to look forward to pushes oneself to carpe diem the shit outta everyday. If someone asks me when I'm going home and where "home" is and my answer is a shrug, a smile and a "no se", my only certainty is that I don't know where I'll wake up tomorrow and it's A-OK. And if you wake up in the jungle without money or cell phone, I can guarantee you will live in the moment.
SPEAK THE LANGUAGE YOU DON'T KNOW
Learning by doing ya'll. I believe this is how you absorb a new language most efficiently. Take an english word, picture it with a penis or a pussy, add an A or an O at the end accordingly, put on an accent and you're good to go. This is how I survived Spanish in elementary and now in dangerous Mexico.
Join a cult
Life's too short to never get brainwashed. Test your limits. Loose your limits. Then skip the collective suicide drink at the end, sneak out the back, take control of your life and gain a few life lessons to teach the grandkids. Sometimes you gotta loose yourself in order to find yourself.
STRANGERS ARE JUST FRIENDS YOU HAVEN'T MET YET
Unlike my cat, I have no major issues eating alone. However, I do enjoy the occasional table sharing. I recently asked a stranger, dining alone in a restaurant, to come sit with me and my friend. Turns out he was super man and we ended up in deep discussion about life and love until the place closed. He later invited us to a party where I made friends and connections with a successful and influential elite of entrepreneurs. I realise some strangers are better to avoid, like the girl chasing you desperate to show you pictures of her dog, or the dude flashing his dick on the L train. But all you really need is common sense. If she's pushing around a stroller with a life size doll in it, or you can see a gun in his belt, maybe hold off. Basically, trust your instinct and don't be an idiot.
TRAVEL TO SPACE
Get out there and gain some perspective. Watch the earth from above and experience the overview effect. Realise that national borders are useless. Have a chat with an alien. Come back years later and realise how much people have missed you and how absolutely insignificant you are. Start living your life through love instead of fear. Eat well, drink more water, love yourself. Fuck your job.
Order the least familiar DISH on the menu
It's simple, how are you ever going to realise what you like if you don't try new things? This is not just about food, it's never not JUST about food. It's a simple metaphor for every part of your life. Why travel to a new country if you're not ready to experience a new culture? Eat cat. Try fried cockroaches on a stick. Drink your placenta in a smoothie.
THROW YOUR PHONE IN THE OCEAN
Burn your map, how are you going to get lost if you know the way? Jump in a car with a stranger. Follow an old couple home. Ask a dog for directions. Get creative and discover new territory. Eat a bunch of both the blue and red pills and see what happens. Get drunk, get lost, get high.
This phrase, no plans no problems, is on repeat in my head lately, since I for the first time in my life have no idea what I'm doing this fall. But really what I'm trying to tell you, and myself, is to live in the moment, because it is all we got and will ever have. Carpe diem, blah blah blah, yeah we've heard it before. Yet it's so hard to believe.